first of the "lasts"

We're entering a new phase at our house.  It's a strange phase to be in where everything is "for the last time before we move."  This last week was the annual Fun Run at our kids' school.  Grandma and Grandpa were there (as usual) and it was hard not to think about how we will miss this yearly event.  The kids love running with Grandma and Grandpa (how cool are their grandparents?) and it's something they look forward to all year.


We'll be slowly letting go of a lot of things in the coming weeks and months.  It is a strange feeling really.  Like being awake in a dream.  It's not all sad though.  Over the past few weeks as this new idea has begun to settle in to our hearts, we have felt peaceful and sure of our direction.  We have also been blessed with so many kind words and heart-felt expressions of love and friendship.  And, just when we start to feel a little overwhelmed or discouraged by all that lies ahead of us, there is an encouraging email in our inbox, a perfect message in an Ensign article or verse of scripture or inspiration in a made-for-us Mormon Message.  


As they say in France:
"La vie est belle!"
Life is beautiful!

A song of hope....

The last two weeks have been particularily humbling...the best way I could describe this experience reminds me of a discussion I had not too long ago with a good friend at work who lost the most precious person in his life.

In our experience, while the loss of a life is not our particular trial at this time, we truly feel a loss of much that had become a great part of our heart. A home which had been a dream for many years, a career for a magnificent company that perhaps could have blessed our family for years to come, the comfort of so many "things" that brought a sense of security, the many friends each and everyone of you who have enriched our life so greatly, a community and ward which are filled with true brothers and sisters - for it is the way I feel about each individual and so much more....

The best we could describe this change of circumstances is that of a dark room where you know that somewhere, someplace, there is a door hiding a beautiful scenery filled with light but there is no way to see it until you find your way closer to it. You know deep in your heart that you have to go through this room but the darkness seems so overwhelming. All we get to have, through the goodness and love of our father in heaven is this small candle which provides enough light to be able to see one small step at a time. There is great hope knowing that the Lord has intended for you to be on this path but the walk is truly of walk of faith.....

And so we strive to walk, day in and day out, one step at a time with great hope for the beauty to come...knowing the beauty will never again look exactly like what we have been able to experience so far. But whatever it is that we will discover, we know...will be bright....

Today, Amie found this "Song of hope" in her long forgotten files which meant the world to us a few years ago when her and I were newly married, lost on the top floor of a very little appartment in France over a train yard.....hoping to start a family amidst the difficulties, challenges but unseen opportunities that would lie ahead. I hope and pray it will mean something to you if for any reason you too are...embarked on your own journey, holding your own candle not knowing the end from the beginning. It is a great reminder of what is within our own hearts if we will but just find and hang on to it.....

A Song of Hope

Rainbows remind us that life us

an endless journey of new beginning,

of miracles, of wonders and of

dreams. Hope is the free

Spirit that rides on the wings of

each of these dreams.  It's song is

of courage and tells us to believe

in ourselves, to reach for

dreams, and never give up.

Hope is a gift we give ourselves.

Once we have it, it will never

leave us for it becomes a part of

what we are.  And although it

may seem difficult to find sometimes,

it is always there for us,

somewhere in the heart.  Every

joy in life is only loaned to us

for awhile, so dream your dreams

and follow your heart wherever it

takes you.  Be happy and believe

that life is unfolding just

the way it is supposed to.

-author unknown

We are thankful for a loving father in heaven who loves us so deeply that he is providing us with this opportunity to walk on faith and grow. We pray and hope that we will prove worthy to see what's behind that door.....

I will go, I will do...

Those words have been repeated in our minds so many times over the past three weeks.  We are going to need to find some of Nephi's courage in order to take the next step in our life.  


As many of you know, it has been a couple of years now that we have felt unsettled in our current situation.  We knew something wasn't right and we thought it was all related to Roland's job.  We searched, prayed and searched some more for the answer.  Nothing was working.  Even when he was offered a job at exactly the place he had hoped for, in the department he wanted to be in, we felt sick about it and knew it wasn't our answer.  We carried on knowing that the Lord would reveal it to us in His time.  


A few weeks ago we had been particularly consumed with the subject of our future and what our next step should be.  We spent some time at my Aunt's cabin as a family and made it the focus of our weekend.  Still no answer.  The next day was Sunday and we came to church feeling humble and really searching for some glimmer of inspiration.  The Spirit was strong and we were both touched.  At one point during the meeting I looked up at Roland and in my heart, I heard the words "It's time to go".  I knew immediately what this meant.  It is time for us to move back to France.  We had our answer but it was so different than what we expected!  I felt so peaceful that day and I knew that peace was from the Lord.  Roland and I met in his office after the meeting and cried together as we realized what the next step would involve for our family.


Since that day we have felt peace and comfort from Heavenly Father helping us to know that even though He is asking us to take a step into the darkness, he will continue to shine the light ahead of us and we will find the place where he needs us to be right now.  


There is so much to do and so much to think about.  I will keep my blog updated through the whole process and even more once we get to France in January.  In the meantime, we'll just keep singing..."I will go, I will do the things the Lord commands!..."